Tuesday, November 29, 2011

The Problem with Me is Me.

You’ve heard the expression, “Pushing a worm”? That’s how the holidays feel sometimes to me. As the mom, or the executive of this operation, sometimes I feel like I’m the only one that cares if that darn Gingerbread House ever gets decorated and plopped on top of the fridge.  Well, a few years ago, I finally wised up, and actually had a con.ver.sa.tion. with the hubs, aka the other executive of this operation. Lo and behold, things started going a lot better. Oh wait. Did I mention that my conversation was through lots of tears, and “you always” and “you nevers” and “why can’t yous”. Shoot. I guess I didn’t mention that. Ok, so then it went better. I was mainly referring to how he always didn’t help me shop for Christmas presents or how he never planned/shopped/made Christmas dinner, or how he can’t pick up wrapping paper off the floor. As I’m sure you can all relate to, this display didn’t go over too well at first. It was bad, then it got worse, then it got good. That was 2007-ish. Then 2008 came by, and we had to have this teeth-gnashing conversation all over again. Can you feel me?  

Why, oh why, do we do this to ourselves as moms? No, I’m asking. Why? Why can’t we (preaching to myself) let some things go, lean into the planning, start early, and be grateful? This is my new tradition. I’m doing all the “Mom-Holiday-Work” in November, without complaining, then planning all the fun stuff with the kids in December, after the work has been accomplished. I am not going to complain (another word comes to mind here, other than complain, starts with a B—keepin’ it real) to my husband about all the things he doesn’t do, but instead affirm the things he is doing. Like, providing for our family, and faithfully going to work. He supports me at night in helping with the kids, and even thinks it’s great that I have fun things with friends every once in a while. I truly believe that some of the conflict that we, as moms, have over getting it all done, comes from US. Shall I say that again? Lots of our interpersonal conflict and angst stems from US. Let some things go. Prioritize what definitely has to be done, do those things early, and the rest is fun stuff. The kids will be more relaxed. Daddy will be happier, and mommy will be able to enjoy and remember the traditions that you’ve worked so hard to cram down everyone’s throats, er develop lovingly over time.

No comments: